Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox

Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox by Eoin Colfer, book six of the Artemis Fowl series, the second book N°1 has appeared in, and the first book where Artemis’s two little brothers (Myles and Beckett) appear. And as you might have guessed, his enemy, or rather, his opponent, is his past (ten-year-old) self. Why is he against himself? Well his mother seems to have contracted a fairy disease known as Spelltropy, and the only cure for it is the brain fluid of the silky sifaka lemur. Which just happens to be extinct… and Artemis killed the last one. Not directly, but he was the one who handed it (him, the lemur is male, and later given the name Jayjay) over to the Extinctionists. And the Extinctionist he handed Jayjay over to payed the money that funded one of Artemis’s searches for his father in the Arctic.

Probably one of the unsuccessful ones (all of them until the search in Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident were failures I should think). Holly and Foaly are trying to think of whether or not it would be a good idea to get  N°1 to send them back in time. So then Artemis tells a terrible lie, he says that Holly’s magic must be tainted with Spelltropy, and that it’s her fault his mother is ill. Poor Holly, I really felt sorry for her. So Holly and Foaly agreed to get N°1 to come, and he did. N°1 was very helpful, the only problem with his time traveling magic was that he wasn’t as experienced as Qwan, his mentor. So they had to take off most of their clothing for him to send them across. And they had to hold hands. So N°1 said “I now pronounce you…” they were sent, and then he finished, “… man and elf.” That was a very amusing point of the book.

So everything looks to be straightforward. According to Artemis’s memory, Butler just deposited the lemur (a.k.a. Jayjay) in the room they appeared in and then left, without ever fully coming in. They put on some clothing that they found in the wardrobe (Holly was younger, and Artemis was older, with more hair), and then… things started going wrong. Artemis’s memory wasn’t correct. Butler came from behind and tranquilized them, and he didn’t have Jayjay yet. The ten-year-old Artemis had them put in the titanium trunk that was inescapable. Supposedly. When they arrived at the zoo, Holly and Artemis woke up (in that order, first her, then him). And both of them thought escaping would be impossible…. until Artemis said that Mulch Diggums might be able to help them escape.

Holly said it was impossible of course, and then someone started tapping at the trunk, and there was muffled swearing. Artemis said “what are the chances Mulch Diggums was just walking down the street?” while smiling, Holly kept on saying it was impossible, maybe it was just a human thief. “One speaking Gnommish?” (which is the fairy language) was what Artemis asked. Sure enough, it was good old Mulch Diggums. He had found a letter addressed to him offering a stupendous reward if he helped them escape. Of course, the older Artemis realized that when they got back from the past, they must have sent a note back to Mulch. It’s all very confusing.

They fail to get the lemur (again), and the younger Artemis has Jayjay. And guess what? Holly kissed Artemis, completely shocking I know! But it’s probably because she is once again (by human standards) a teenager again. Adolescence can be annoying sometimes can’t it? Later, Artemis admits to her that he lied, and she gets veeeeerry mad at him. Why did he admit that he lied? Because if he told her, she’d hate him. But if he didn’t, he’d hate himself. Not a nice thing is it? Unfortunately for them, Mulch had seen them kiss. So when Holly wasn’t calling Artemis “Arty”, or being nice to him like earlier, he started singing “You’ve lost that loving feeling”. Fortunately….. Holly managed to shut him up.

Artemis manages to make her partially forgive her by giving her the opportunity to say good bye to someone she hadn’t been able to. Who is that person? If you’ve read some of the previous Artemis Fowl books, you would know that that person is Commander Julius Root (a.k.a. Beetroot, behind his back of course). She gives him a holographic message and thanks him for what he’s done, of course, he has no idea that it’s her future self, he thinks she’s in Hamburg. So Holly and Artemis are “even”, and get going to save Jayjay.

I’ll stop telling you what happens here, otherwise I will give away the whole story and who the REAL villain is, and that would ruin it for you if you were going to read it. So I definitely won’t do that. Instead, I will tell you what I think of the book. I think that Artemis having two little siblings is a good thing, it helps him loosen up (seriously, they can manage to stop him giving them lessons, and do fingerpainting instead). Going against himself is good mental exercise for him, and talking to his younger self helps him see how obnoxious he could actually be.

We also find out how Holly’s mother died. There are also the various little tidbits we get throughout the story, which make it such an amusing (yet anxious at times) read. You will enjoy this, trust me, this is the second time I’ve read it and I love it just as much as I did last time. Seriously. And a few of N°1’s jokes were very funny as well. So read it, READ IT I SAY!

– LCD

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About Adaraschia

I'm an aspiring author and lover of mythology. And wolves and my sister's Apple Cobbler. And horse stuff. And... [signal blocked]
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